Oh, what an awful flight.

I wasn't the airline's fault, but it was painful nonetheless.

To start with, there was a ginormous fat dude on the aircraft. How ginormous? He completely overflowed his seat, spilling into both the aisle and the seat next to him, whose unfortunate passenger had to be relocated. Then the fat dude had to be given an additional seat belt because his didn't reach.

Let me state for the record that I don't have anything against fat people. The people I do have a gripe with are those who thoughtlessly inconvenience other people, and this was most definitely an inconvenience for the rest of the passengers, who were waiting patiently for the flight to get airborne. If you're going to take up two seats' worth of room, you should have to buy two tickets. Grr.

Of course, not all the passengers were content to wait patiently. There was a baby on board, which bawled its head off from start to finish. It was just one of those flights where, right at the start, you silently groan to yourself, reach for the headphones and a book, and try to screen out the outside world.

In this case, about half an hour into the flight, the outside world suddenly got a whole lot smellier. Yep, that's right - the baby had dirtied its nappy. The stewardesses were trying to serve food but couldn't easily get their food cart past the ginormous fat dude, so they were all stuck at the wrong end of the aisle and couldn't get to the parents of the screaming, stinking baby to ask them to take it to the toilets and change it. We were facing the best part of 1.5 hours with an aircraft that stank of baby poo, sounded like a madhouse and whose occupants by now had the patience of customers at a bank during their lunch break.

To make matters worse, I was in an aisle seat and the couple on my left changed seats with each other so that they could get to pawing at each other a little more easily.

It was no fault of the airline; it was just one of those times that you can't cringe any further so you just curl up into a little ball and wait for all the noise and stink to go away.